secret ingredient?

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Baked Chicken Parmesan | HelloFresh

I understand why they call it HelloFresh. You can’t spell HelloFresh without hell.

Full transparency, I almost didn’t want to write this. But, I owe it to the readers to know the truth. This is the longest relationship I’ve had and we are still going strong, swallowers. Please still love me and think I am smart after this.

I have no one to blame but myself. I was the one who didn’t read the directions in FULL. I was the one who doesn’t have sugar. I was the one who felt a little cocky after the masterpiece that was my last meal.

Let’s begin. I laid all my ingredients to cook, was bumping my cooking playlist, getting hungry, I WAS READY TO COOK. As soon as I snapped the photo of all the ingredients, I get a knock on my door. The drill I’ve been waiting to borrow was finally here. No more watching shows on my iPad! My television was going to be hung up and my apartment was going to be one step closer to being complete. In a perfect world, I would’ve been able to put up the television up IN A BREEZE. I’ve hung up televisions before. After a couple, I should be a professional… Right? Wrong. Because this isn’t a perfect world.

Fun fact, old San Francisco buildings don’t have your typical studs in the wall. They have a lattice-like wood structure going on. This makes mounting a heavy ass TV to the wall quite difficult. I went to the hardware store because I was told my regular screws wouldn’t work. For me to hang up my television, I would need anchors to make sure it didn’t tear the wall. Fair enough. I was on my way to the local hardware store that wasn’t more than a mile away. Since I’m a dumb millennial I didn’t bring my wallet because I use Apple Pay for everything. In a perfect world, I would be smart enough to bring a card down or they would take Apple Pay. This isn’t a perfect world though.

Side note: They did take Apple Pay but only for Mastercard. The only type of card I don’t own. Of course. I still take full responsibility for being a dumbass. 

I started my walk of shame home, empty-handed. Going up the giant hill to my apartment can be a workout by itself. I grab my card and hurry back before they close. They didn’t have anchors big enough so they sold me this other contraption that would, in theory, do the same. In theory.

I get back and OH TO MY SUPRISE UPON DRILLING THE FIRST HOLE… A STUD. Hmm??? After realizing I was sent to the hardware store for nothing, I was over it. Annoyed, tired, and hungry were just some of the emotions I was feeling. I just wanted to hang up on the television and eat.

After installing the television, I was tempted to just eat something easy. But, I’ve been getting so many notifications and messages on how much you’ve all enjoyed the last HelloFresh post. :’) I was eager to cook another meal and share it with you all.

My bad.

Baked Chicken Parmesan Pasta with Tomato Sauce? Easy… So I thought. I skimmed over the directions. Okay, it seemed beginner. I did miss the part where I add to my own sugar. How DARE HelloFresh think I have a fully stocked kitchen with my own sugar? Don’t they know I just moved here? I don’t even own a blender yet. How inconsiderate and unprofessional. I need to speak to a manager IMMEDIATELY.

In all realness, please read the instructions thoroughly to understand what you need before you start cooking. Don’t be like me 🙂

Here are all the ingredients they packaged for you.

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I noticed all the first steps are to wash everything and cut. No matter how inefficient this might be. Unlike the Beef and Broccoli, I actually followed the steps. Wash, cut, dry, okay, we get it.

Other than my hungry stomach, everything seemed fine. The chicken was seasoned and was baking in the oven and the noodles were on their way to getting al dente. Everything seemed fine until we had to make the sauce. Even though I did everything except for the sugar part, my sauce didn’t look anything like the picture. It didn’t have a deep red color to it nor she was thick in all the right areas.

Once I realized I didn’t have sugar, I thought to myself “how important can sugar actually be?”. Pretty damn important. I tried to sauce thinking everything was okay. It wasn’t.

A very accurate depiction of what my brain looked like:


So you’re telling me, my noodles and chicken are almost done and my sauce tastes like booty? Cool. I was looking around my very limited kitchen looking for a good substitute. What would make another sweet alternative? Chocolate almond milk? Gross. Jolly Ranchers? Pass. Honey? Might just be crazy enough to work.

As I poured a generous amount over my gross sauce, I thought to myself “couldn’t taste any worse”. Mixing and praying it doesn’t taste like ass. Please, Jesus. 

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It was surprisingly good? Is this a thing? Am I just really late to the party? I mean, I would for sure have sugar the next time I made this, but honey wasn’t the worst alternative. I was proud of myself for a moment. Wow, adulting. Having a problem and finding a sensible solution. This adult life is ea$$$$$$$y. 

Weeeeeeeeeeeeell, I spent way too much time and energy on my honey sauce and forgot that my timer already went off for the chicken. I remembered and quickly went to grab it out of the oven. I didn’t fold my dishtowels enough and burnt myself and dropped the pan. Luckily the chicken didn’t fall out. Even if it did, five-second rule right? As I was dealing with my burns and the fallen pan, the water for the noodles started to overflow.

Just imagine 20 seconds of me yelling at my own mistakes and trying to salvage everything.

In the end, it all worked out. Even if I forgot to put cheese on the chicken before the picture.

Would I recommend this meal? No. To be fair, I’m not the biggest pasta person, to begin with. Even if I did have sugar, the sauce didn’t look like the photo at all. The sauce to noodle ratio was trash. There are better meals worth burning yourself over.

Here’s to more Hello Fresh meals.

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